LinkedIn put out a top ten list of over-used words on a resume. Here it is.

1. Extensive experience

2. Innovative

3. Motivated

4. Results-oriented

5. Dynamic

6. Proven track record

7. Team player

8. Fast-paced

9. Problem solver

10. Entrepreneurial

I decided to check the list against my resume, which reads as follows.

A real team player with a proven track record in innovative problem solving. I have dynamic entrepreneurial skills and extensive experience in results-oriented planning. I'm highly motivated to be fast-paced. My butt itches.

Yea, looks good to me.

Holiday Top Ten List:

Since Xmas seems too offensive, here are some other holidays we should rename.

10: Valentines Day

What a bogus holiday. We should change the name to "I didn't know Hallmark had lobbyists" day.

9: Columbus Day

Too specific. What if I don't like him? Change it to "Explorers Day".

8: Thanksgiving Day

Too demanding. Giving requires effort. It's my day off. How about "Thankssharing Day".

7: Earth Day

Offensive to Martians. How about "Planets Day"?

6: Veterans Day

Classic ageism. What's wrong with rookies? How about "Experience Day"?

5: April Fools Day

Too predictable. Wanna really throw a wrench in an idiots wheel? Leave it April 1st, but call it "May Fools Day".

4: New Years Day

It's not new by the time it gets here. So it should be called "Different Years Day".

3: Kwanzza

Does anyone even know what this is? I doubt it. Let's change it to "Everybody just make up your own holiday day".

2: The 4th of July

Too specific once again. It would be much more inclusive if we called it "The 4thish of July".

1: Christmas

Since nobody wants to say it anymore, it is high time someone proposes a name change, and I'm just the guy to do it. That's why, from this day forth, Christmas Day will be known as "Quit whining, you obnoxious Atheist bastards, it's still Christmas".

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